journopig: monitoring the media

This page will feature those ideas or stories that were simply so daft that we feel they deserve their own award. The Journopig Awards For Dodgy Journalism, Programme Making And Decision Making (catchy title, don’t you think?) will be made as and when we can think of some suitable nominees and categories.

No. 1: The Conspiracy Award

Also known as the award for anti-canine behaviour.

This must go to the BBC. First, they cancelled The Underdog Show and sent it off into the realms of satellite telly. Then they decided not to broadcast the next Crufts allegedly because of concerns over pedigree dogs’ welfare. Yeah, right. The commissioners just don’t like dogs – and we don’t blame ‘em.

No. 2: Headline Of The Year Award

The 2008 award, not surprisingly, this award has to go to the Daily Mail, for a typically generalising, patronising, subjective approach to the Shannon Matthews kidnapping case. On 5 December, the headline to an article by Chris Brooke was:

“Seven children, six fathers (and a ring from Argos): Lazy, sex-mad Karen Matthews symbolises broken Britain”

What’s wrong with the Argos ring? Did it plan the kidnapping? Or is anyone who buys items from Argos worthy of disdain?

(For the full story – if you can bear it – see here.)

The nominations for 2009 are already coming in. One of the frontrunners so far is this dreadful headline from the Cambridge News of 18 March 2009:

We can see what the sub was trying to do, but having two running references in one short head just kills it. And it’s not funny.

No. 3: Most Pointless Newspaper Of The Year

The Express. Nuff said.

No. 4: Child Actor With Daftest Name Award

This has to go to Tyger Drew-Honey, who plays 12-year-old Jake (far more sensible name) in the BBC’s fab sitcom Outnumbered. Please note: we don’t get to put that phrase together very often anymore: BBC/fab/sitcom. Anyway, this poor actor doesn’t look like a Tyger Drew-Honey – not that we’re sure what one should look like. It’s as though his parents always meant for him to do something theatrical.

No. 5: The How Not To Become Friends With Your Interviewee Award

This award goes to Adam Lee-Potter in the Sunday Mirror of 4 January 2009, with an intro that keeps up the high standards of objective journalism in this country:

“Shoe-horned into a cheap suit which does nothing for his corned-beef complexion and double chin, Vince Acors is no obvious romeo. Charmless, overweight and unaccountably full of himself, he cuts an unedifying figure…”

We think perhaps Adam didn’t like Vince. Don’t know why we’ve come to that conclusion…

No. 6: The Most Ubiquitous Person On TV Award

A shortlist is currently being drawn up for this. Nominees so far are:

• Justin Fletcher (CBeebies stalwart)
• Sarah-Jane Honeywell (ditto)
• Myleene Klass (where do we start?)
• Adrian Chiles. Although we quite like him.

Myleene Klass would win this one, only we find her so irritating that we can’t bear to give her an award – it would go to her head. Every time she does anything, she thinks of how she can make money from it. Play the piano? Release an album, present a classical radio show, and choose music you like for other albums, become the world’s best known pianist (even though you’re not actually THAT good). Get up the duff? Write a nauseating book about having a baby, cos, like nobody else has ever had one. Spend lots of money on clothes? Annoy an existing presenter by nicking her job on Ten Years Younger. Look reasonably presentable? Get a lucrative advertising contract with Marks and Spencer and upstage the professional models. And combine several of these things by appearing in an advert for a shampoo whilst wearing a posh frock AND playing the piano! We should like Myleene. She sets out to be “nice”. But we actually cringe when we hear her name now. We half suspected she would get the gig as the new Doctor Who, but luckily that went to a youngster who we’d never heard of. Yay!